Straight as a fuckin rainbow

So I'm halfway through my Easter break - one I thought would be pretty crap. But in reality has been exactly what I needed,cc I reconnect with friends and family I had been ignoring at my convenience. Friendships have healed yay. And most importantly I have a new found trust and peace with God that I havent felt since I was a kid :) I'm not angry about anything at the moment. And I now feel it appropriate to apologise for previous posts as I feel many may be unjustified in my protrayal of those individuals.

Gtg

Gerks

Xoxo

hmm

its taken me a while to realise that your not always gonna get the reaction you need. i know it sound stupid but in my mind everyone gets what they need, but its not like that there is no magical place you can go to to get what you need.

but this time maybe what i need is a little self control.

understatement

im not good at self control. i cant keep my mouth shut. i cant control my emotions. i cant think long term. i cant stick to a plan. i cant be well nice.

hmm

to all those who i "fucked over"
im sorry, i've said it over the phone but im not sure whether you realised i ment it.

soz

gerks

xoxo

random pissed ramblings

so yeah, i'm seriously pissed. i think its because as much as my previously mentioned brother tries to seem like the good guy all of a sudden its like i realize why he buggs me so much. because hes two completely different people. 1) the caring great brother who listens to me and always tries to be there and helps in any way he can 2) the complete asshole who believes that im some kind of toy that he can just turn on and off.

my days.

i dont know why i let it bug me so much. its almost as though well i cant put it into words.

i guess that maybe if i go cold turkey out of choice it could do alot of good.

but hey thatst all

gerks


xoxo

random shizz

so here i stand with arms high and heart abandoned in awe of the one who gave it all. and i'll stand my heart lord to you surrendered. all i am is yours.

weird lyrics but wtf.
 gerks

physics with cece and iona

here i am again, a whole 20 mins later.

physics no work. all i can say is
LOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.

that and the fact that apparently steph looks like and quote
"eurh mate you look like one of 'em jews from dem concentration camps!!"
thank you for that luke

mr chwnananananana or whatever his name is has retreated to trying to look imposing whilst everyone else laughs there heads off either at him or about him. its soooo funny hehe

but hey im sure theres a good use for my time here today. but im pretty sure this aint it.

o yeah

cece and iona are on my table and i should probaley mention them, they're pretty jokes. Iona is cussing stephan and his hair and is doing a surprisingly good job. whilst cece takes the complete piss outa him and joshie.

lols punk.
look it up.

c ya

gerks

xoxo

random ramblings of a borred student

so here i am. in ict, borred out my mind trying to remember why i was ment to be learning the formulas that will add up numbers when to be honest it would be far easier to use like A CALCULATOR or ya know if your not that lazy you could use like i dont know YOUR BRAIN!!!!

heres how my day has gone so far: biology-test, personal finance-warning about how if we fail our impending test we will die and become poor (in that order), maths- a rather slow teacher with no control over a class or to be honest pretty smart kids, who is helping us FAIL our maths gcse, chemistry - test and marking (whey), ict- other lecture on how failing the next test will result in our complete and utter failiure as humans
and our next lesson is PHYSICS

yay.

I Hate Mondays.

theres no one reading this which is probably a good thing as I know that at some point i'll write something i regret. I am currently watching my mate steph look completely confused as he tries to stuff a pen in his mouth, whilst israle pounds his fist as we share a private joke, jimmy who looks even more confused than normal, iona staring at me in silence with her eyes as wide as possible. sanchia, cece, luke, josh and elliot laughing about something to do with bounceing balls. april looks as if she is slowly slipping into a comma.

and mr boyel trying desperatly to control our class. i feel sorry for him. but i'm sure we're a good learnign experience for him.


gerks xoxo

cold turkey

so here i am once again, my mistakes limiting my future. well done kirstyn really.

see i did something which helped two people in a very bizarre way, the problem is theres a punishment for my "helpfulness" (and i use that term lightly) which is probably one of the harder things i have had to do.

i've quit drugs, stopped obsessions, killed habits, stopped letting individuals carry on being in my life. but going cold turkey on my brother. MY BROTHER. thats something i dont know if i want to be strong enough for. last time i did it was bad very bad for both of us.. and well a few other people. I know that i can and i have to in order to save a very valuable friendship, its just this, this isnt something i had planned out there is no backup plan. no sneaky ideas to get my way, no tricks, no lies, no manipulation, nothing i can use to get things the way i want them. Because that would defeat the purpose.

i have always looked at things in the bigger picture, and i do whatever i can to get the best possible outcome whether thats for me my friends or something completely different. I did what i had to do to make the bigger picture work. its the smaller picture here and now im struggling with. see when repercussions of my actions happen i know what they are how long they'll last for and what the change will be.

the effects this time around short term are hard, going cold turkey on a friend is one thing. on a BROTHER slightly different. i've never done this before as a "punishment" type thing. my two main concerns are that i will 1) give in and start talking to him hence betraying a friendship and a trust in me or 2) watch myself crash and burn due to the fact that well its me and i have a tendency to do that.

so yeah all in all a bad week where i made good decisions that hurt me.

xoxo